Cracking under the presure.

I really didnt know how to start this blog..
to be honest i have so many mixed feelings today ints untrue.
but mainly im actually having trouble with my ex. and i know they say "an ex is an ex for a reason"
but everything was perfect, well atleast i thought it was, untill i found out he had been lying to me, hiding stuff and planning stuff behind my back..i could trust him to the moon and back.. but now.. everythings different.
everyday i walk out my house, one foot infront of the other, a big smile on my face, but inside it feels like butterflies with knives are tearing up my insides. knowing that i put so much effort into something, and so much love and trust, and to have it betrayed the way it was.. ive been lied to in the past, guys have broen my heart, shot me down, made me feel like utter shit, but i felt like this time it was different. seems not. so here i am, cut up and broken, again. lasted long.. i know. i just wish things had of been different, cause it could have ended up something beautiful.. but it just ended up just a something. and even though hes not lying to me anymore, i still feel like he is.. i cant learn to trust him again even though hes maing major life changes for me.. i cant do it, and my heart wants to.. but i just cant. i really dont know what to do anymore. i wanna move away, start a fresh, new people, new places..